We Are All Made of Stardust

And yet my worries are so important...

And yet my worries are so important…

The picture above is from NASA and you can read about it here if you would like.

It is a picture of the galaxy Messier 63, though it is also affectionately called the Sunflower Galaxy. NASA took this photo just a few weeks ago.

In other news I am literally writing this at 4AM Eastern and I am just completely unable to sleep. I keep thinking about how irritated I became today – angry, really. I became upset over something that is so ridiculous. A friend from childhood making choices that are blatantly selfish…I have no control over how they affect other people…I turn it over to God…and then I take it right back from God and want to control the entire situation. You think I would have learned by now.

And what is it I would have even learned? I don’t know. A mix of things? I mean, when I get really honest I can see that a gross part of my personality wants this person, this friend, to fail. And why? To justify my being right? Isn’t that what being angry about this kind of situation is really about? That I want to be right and I want someone else to be wrong?

The longer I am in recovery the longer I get to explore all the parts of me. I’m not sure that I would really want to explore this deep if I didn’t have to do it. But I know that resentments take people out of the program all the time and sometimes fear motivates me to work my program more than serenity does. Ultimately, working my program is looking at this “gross” stuff. Even if it is completely disgusting and I am embarrassed by my pettiness.

Times like this I enjoy looking at pictures of galaxies or other planets, or even just random shots taken of little sections of the universe. These kinds of pictures help me get centered. As I look at these pictures I wonder why I would ever want a person to fail. Usually it only takes about a minutes and I realize that I don’t actually want someone to fail – I am simply stuck in fear.

Resentment is such a waste of my time and energy. I mean, just look at this picture:

This is also located at the same link listed above. We are talking 200 million light years away. 200 MILLION. And I’m trippin’ over a decision someone is making that has no bearing on my life!  Just one more:

I’m ending this post with a very special prayer.  It is the 7th step prayer and if you have not taken your 7th step yet that’s okay.  Keep coming back and keep working the steps.  Recovery can be difficult, but nothing is as hard as active addiction.  This is, without a doubt, the easier, softer way.  This step, along with working a thorough 6th step with a sponsor, has been life changing for me.  Please join me in the 7th step prayer:

“My Creator,

I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad.

I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows.

Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding.

Amen.”

– OA 7th Step Prayer

Thank you for supporting this blog and being a part of my recovery. I am very grateful for all your love and I will see you at the next meeting!  Please pray for me – I need it!

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