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A New Light

“[Newcomers] need to understand that food is not our problem – the compulsive behavior is.”  – Abstinence p. 27

I remember my first time in OA, hearing that my compulsive behavior/eating was my problem.  I wanted to blame particular foods, spices, sauces…well, basically anything edible.  Somewhere inside of me, I wanted someone to tell me to remove a particular food or ingredient and then I would be forever cured!

That was not the case.  It was far from the truth.  I grieved the knowledge that I ate for one simple reason:  COMPULSIVE EATING WAS MY DRUG.  This concept does not negate the other truth that, for many compulsive eaters, particular foods causes an allergic reaction that propels them to overeat.  In fact, it completely supports the notion that compulsive eaters have a disease that is manifested within the body of a compulsive eater.

The A.A. Big Book describes “the phenomenon of craving” in the chapter The Doctor’s Opinion as, “the manifestation of an allergy which differentiates these people, and sets them apart as a distinct entity.”

I would like to take a moment to expound on this idea because something happened to me last Wednesday that scared me.  I met up with some friends in OA for dinner.  I drank two glasses of diet soda…only to find out later that the restaurant had accidently used regular soda instead of diet.

At first I didn’t care.  It really wasn’t a big deal…I got some diet soda and went about my business.  My friends and I ate dinner and continued on being merry and serene.  But then…about fifteen minutes later…I felt a sugar high come over me.  It felt kinda good and I began to fret.  Did this mean I was going to binge?  Had I accidently lost my abstinence?  Was I bound to an evening of massive sugar consumption?  Was all hope lost for me?  I sat in my chair and worried that my stint in OA was over…for good…and I was destined for relapse…I saw my tombstone read, “An OA at heart, though from sugar she never did part.”

OH SH*T!

Hey – I never said I wasn’t dramatic!

Anyway, I happen to be sitting directly across from my step sponsor and my food sponsor.  I told them how I was feeling.  Soon enough my body felt alright…it was my mind that kept obsessing.

This taught me a very valuable lesson in my recovery.  IT REALLY ISN’T EVER ABOUT THE FOOD.  I know for a fact that for me sugar is a trigger to my compulsive eating behavior.  However, ingesting sugar or not ingesting sugar is NOT the end-all-be-all of my recovery.   Life happens and, if I continue to live free from the bondage of food, life will continue to happen and something as scary as accidently drinking a bunch of sugar in soda might happen again.  That’s living life on life’s terms.  And that is okay today.  It’s not about the food…it’s about my willingness to surrender, trust God, and clean house (and I don’t mean my apartment).

I’m still abstinent, folks!  I did not go home and eat a bunch of sugar!  Thank you for my recovery!  I love all of you so much.  See you at the next meeting!

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